I guess this is the part of my life which I am pretty happy with it.


Everything is good, just that I'm lazy to update my blog. But I will still make it as a diary for whatever that had happened in my life.

Will try to update whenever I can.

And I'm totally hooked to this game call "League Of Legends". DAMN FUN.

I am Proud to say that I'm a addict. =X

Take care people.

Sign off.

Desmond= In Darkness..

I hate this empty feeling.. The darkness and all the negative thoughts that is devouring me.. Hurting me bits by bits.. This kinda pain I can't explain..

Everything seems so dark.. Darkness.. Something that I am having now.. All around me.. Blinded by my own fear.. Terrified by the word "Life"..

It's all so empty..

Am I gonna be like this for as long as I know?..

Am I gonna get what I want in life or do I even know what I want?..

Do I?..

I hate this darkness messing around with my head...

Stop.. Please...

All I do is to cried... And feeling pitiful for myself..

Ain't gonna do shit for me at all...

Darkness..

Sign off...

Desmond is done with army. Now what?

So the day which I fear the most has arrived. Life after the army. I'm done with Army officially on the 15th of March 2011. And I travelled to Bangkok with my peeps from the 22th of March to the 25th of March, which I had hell lot of a fun. Not including the part where I fall sick there.

And went for my first job interview yesterday as a telemarketer in Starhub, but will only continue my training the 18th days of the following month.

That is if I am still interested.

I do admit the only reason I will be going back is because of the people there. Not the money, not the job. But I did met some really nice people.

I am also sick and tired of people looking down on me, which no one says so. In that case, just say that I'm sensitive at this period of time. Alright, I know I've always been sensitive to every single thing.

I don't know what to say anymore..

Had a lot in mind. Like what am I gonna do next, getting out of here, Studying for O levels next year, Continuing my studies for Social work after my Os and get a job somewhere outside of Singapore. To help people.

My objectives are still pretty much the same, Leaving Singapore, starting a new life of my own regardless of whether is it gonna be tough or no.

I am just worry about my O levels examinations.. If I'm gonna flunk it next year, I am really screwed..

Just hope that wouldn't happen aye? Now it's time for some self reflections of what I'm gonna do and be as positive as I could. Which is a pretty much impossible for me to stay positive.. Maybe all I need is someone, something, A little help which I can keep it in my mind and let that be the motivation for me to continue..

Let me meet this special someone. I don't wish to be leading a normal, boring life before I die... Give me an extraordinary life, an amazing life. THAT is what I want.

Thank you.

Sign off.

What am I to you??

Who am I to you??

A Friend?

A Lover?

Nothing?

JUST TELL ME

Sign off.

Desmond= The Unknown Path Ahead..

I'm back, again but who really care right?. This is just a place for me to talk about my life or rather, complain about my life. And for this entry, it's all gonna be the "confusing" part where I'm currently facing in my life..

Till now, I don't have any idea about what I'm gonna do after the army.. And, Army is gonna end for me in less than a month. I should be looking forward to that but Seriously, I'm worried about everything. I know that I don't wanna be broke in the future and I don't wanna be worthless. But, this is a feeling that I can't get rid of at this point of time...

The Unknown Path ahead of me is really freaking me out.. I don't know what to do. To study or not. It's gonna be a huge sum of money for studying but, is it all worth it? Am I gonna make it? Do I, really wanna study?

Deep down, I know that studying is not something for me. But I also know that it is important to have an certificate regardless of whether a Diploma or a Degree. I need one. I have people telling me that if I think I can't make it studying, well find a job. And I have another group of people, telling me that having an education is important in order for you to get a stable job and a good income.

But all I know and thinking is only to fucking get out of this place. My country, Singapore. There are just too much, too much bad memories here. And I wanna live a new life, a life of my own. But.. How the hell am I gonna do that??..

I know.. I'm been really contradicting here.. I can talk the talk, but can I walk the walk? It's not easy... I'm confused.. And I can't seems to find that specific someone who knows what I'm facing here..

I really like singing and I wanna have a career for that. But can I do it? Or can I even make it? That is, so far, the One passion that I have or should I say, the Only thing that I feel I'm capable of doing.. But there are barely any Asian that make it to the English music industry..

I don't know. Worried, Confused, Upset. YES. I know. Self pitying. Isn't that what I'm good at too?

Sigh..

Now I really need someone to enlighten me. A God, perhaps? Of course, not that I believe of any..

I hope I can figure something out soon. I mean, I don't have much time to waste.

I have always tell myself that I NEED to make it and I don't wanna be average.

AND I WILL. I HAVE TO.

Sign off..

Desmond= Finally something to look forward to.

Finally, I am back once again after been missing from my blog after such a long period of time. I am wondering whether is anyone still reading my blog? Lol. Anyway, this is my blog, even if there ain't anyone reading it, this will still be a place where I could take a look about what had happen in the past. I still love my blog, of course. Not gonna forsaken it after been with me for 6 freaking years.

And yes, after waiting forever, I finally got my very own...

IPHONE 4!!!!

Of course, I gotta be thankful with the help of both my sisters in order to get my very own Iphone. I know, it's not a big deal for anyone since IPhone is a commonly seen gadget around the world. But yes, it IS A BIG DEAL FOR ME.

Can you imagine, I have been waiting to get one from the First IPhone 3 till now. Back then, A Iphone 3 with a telecome carrier cost as much as a thousand. How on earth was I supposed to get that kind of money since I just got into the Military at that period of time? Not to mention the "Amazing" salary that they are giving me every single month, 400 bucks. Isn't that a little too much? Ok people, Sarcasm.

So from Iphone 3 to 3Gs to Iphone 4 and the upcoming Iphone 5. Everyone has been asking me to wait for the arrival of Iphone 5 since it will be out in the States this coming May as rumors have said. But hell no, I can't wait for THAT long. I have been waiting for a freaking 2 years to get a Iphone and now, I gonna wait again? Thanks but no thanks.

Why do I like the Iphone so much? In the past, I like the design a lot because it came in a really bulky design which makes the Iphone a huge phone to be carrying around. But for me, I like huge gadgets. I don't mind having them. Back then, not much people was using the Iphone because of the price and definitely because of the size.

But now? Everyone is using it. 9 out of 10 people are using Iphone when I was on the train. I was freaking out. I thought Singaporeans used to complain about how troublesome a bulky gadget is? Whatever. This is the so called, "Latest Fashion" now.

Anyway, I got my very own IPHONE and I am really glad about that. Even all my friends who got their Iphone earlier than me were making fun of me about having the idea of getting a Iphone like forever. But yeah, I got myself a Iphone now.

But nevertheless, I have to bear the consequences of having my mobile numbers changed. Sigh. Kinda upset about that since I have been using my that mobile numbers for the past 9 years or so. I don't have other choices as I got much comments about the difference of speed for the data usages from my old telecom operator that I gonna have it change to a another telecom operator.

Everyone has been telling me about how much they prefer my previous mobile numbers compare to the new one. But still, I don't have a choice but to have it changed.

Anyhow, I am still a happy man since Iphone have some really awesome applications for me to download and I can use it anytime I want without the need of a wireless connection, which is pretty cool.

So life have been, well should I say, bad as I am starting to hate my job scopes as time passes every single day. But who cares since I am gonna leave the army in less than 2 months time? I have been looking forward to the arrival of this day but yet, I am worry about it since I would have to plan for my future, regardless of pursuing for an education or finding a job that I would love.

Still having lots of hesitations about this.

And recently, I just had a celebration for one of my people, who also happen to be the youngest in our group. Her 20th Birthday.

Miss Hui Shan A.K.A Ah Mei!

It was a memorable day since we have not met up with each other due to everyone's packed schedules and for me, due to the army.

One of the reasons that is stopping me from leaving Singapore to another country is because of them. I can't bear the just leave them. They have been through a lot with me. Really really a lot. They are now consider a part of my life. I don't know how life would be for me without them in my life. Can you imagine, I have known them for more than 6 years. Time do passes really fast huh?

Conclusion? Everyone of us is growing up. Getting more mature from a teen to a young adult to a adult. Of course, I am not looking forward to my 21st birthday. Am having plans to getaway alone on my birthday. Just me, myself and I. Alone. Or maybe with just a friend or 2.

The coming of my 21st birthday is gonna officially make me an adult, regardless of whether I like it or not. And I am not taking it well about that.

Haha, Alright. I just don't wanna become a adult. It's a different world. So yeah..

God, can't believe I have been typing this freaking entry for close to an hour or two!! Phew, I think I gonna update my blog frequently to avoid this kinda long entry.

Adios, people.

Do take care of your health since the weather is unpredictable nowadays.

Sign off.

D said: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And I replied:" It only makes me miss you more."

=D

Sign off

Desmond= Lucky to have some Amazing Friends.

I should consider myself fortunate to have a few great friends. They never fail to give me some pretty good advices whenever I need those. Especially when you can't seems to find anyone to talk to, they are always there.

For this girl, Pei Jie, she is one amazing girl. I remember I was feeling so down because finally, I couldn't take those jokes and humiliations coming from people after keeping it to myself for such a long period of time. I hated myself at that time, about my sexuality and not capable of having a good future. Was so upset and told her. Guess what she said to me?

"Maybe you should reflect about your own thinking. Try to think of what you really want for your life. Set that as a Goal. Do not change your decision so easily just because of some bad comments."

And I was still really emotional and telling her how badly people just wanna see me fall.

And she said,"Why care about what others think about you? After all you still live for yourself. Set a target and show them you can. The more you hate about yourself, the more those people who look down on you feels happier because they know you can never succeed in your life."

She actually make me tear a little when I read that. I didn't know how wonderful it was to have her in my life. It seems like she is the only one who does not think that I'm worthless at all. She is the kind of friend that you are truly grateful for.

And there is one more guy.

And that will be Mr Wong. Nevertheless, he is still a asshole. But he really gave me a lot of advices about what I should do and stuff. He might seems like a asshole, someone who doesn't care about whether you succeed or not, but he is not but actually the opposite. He told me that he will be happy to see me been able to study and make it.

I don't know, I just think that he is really a nice guy, a good friend.

I am thankful for this 2 people. If I've not met them, I will be a different guy who can't seek for help whenever I needed someone.

Now I'm still confused about what I am gonna do. whether am I staying in Singapore or not. What am I gonna work as? Getting married?

Well, I guess I will figure all this out pretty soon.

Have a pleasure night, people.

Sign off.

Desmond= Confused..

I am, in fact, a person who always believe in every small little things in life. One thing bad about me? I trust people easily, in fact, too easily. That's why I'm always failing myself, getting upset over stuff I shouldn't be. I don't know, but I guess this is just me..

All I have now is nothing. I am confused. Which way to go? Which path should I take? All this are bad enough for me to handle but there's always something extra. Complications. This is driving me nuts.

I am worried about EVERYTHING. Every single thing that is happening or might happen.. Sigh..

CONCLUSION:

JUST LET ME GET OUT OF SINGAPORE ALREADY!!!

ARGH!!!

Sign off.

Desmond= The World should change their "Stereo-Type" thinking..

Look at this and I hope you guys will know what is happening in our current world..

Look at what is happening around the world.. Human beings who are straight or what you call "normal" does not understand what this is coming from. They don't know how much pain their are causing to people from the LGBT community. For a matter a fact, Gay people does not have a choice to be who they are today.

"A 13-year-old New Mexico boy named Seth Walsh, had been tormented for years, Burns said. “Other students told him ‘the world didn’t need another queer.’.”

Seth’s mother found him hanging in the backyard. He lived for nine days on life support before dying a few days ago."

Extracted from the link below:

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/localnews/columnists/jfloyd/stories/101510dnmetfloyd.18d5a4bfb.html

He is only 13 year old. What have he done to deserve to die at such a young age? He is nothing but a teen who is confused about whatever he is feeling and has already been tortured inside, fighting to be what the world wants him to be. The above is just ONE of the teens that killed themselves due to all the cruelty coming from the world.

1 out of 10 human are born gay and what are they facing in the world today? Getting humiliate by straight people, getting bullied and the fear they have to face everyday from the outside world. Why do people like us get this? We don't deserve this. What we need is something really simple and basic called "Respect".

You will never understand how we feel since you're not born with it. You people got to understand that WE DON'T DESERVE THIS SHIT. We don't deserve all this. Why do we have to be the one? Why don't you put yourself in our shoes?

I have been trying to come out from my closet. I am a Bisexual and I like mens more than womens. Most of my friends know about this. And even my siblings and yet, I don't see anyone hating me for who I am.

I just doesn't have the guts yet to come out to my parents. I don't wish to hurt my mum.. I just can't. Simply because I love her too much. I do not wish to see her blaming herself and stuff. I just don't see the point.

Maybe one of this days, when I'm in a stable relationship and found someone that I'm confident enough to get married with, I will let my mum knows about this eventually. But now is just not the time yet.

It has always been a huge fear for me to accept myself for who I am. I choose not to believe I like men more than women due to the thinking of the world. After been through so much alone, I decided to only come out to people last year. And it makes me feel better.

I believe there are people who definitely doesn't accept the truth about me, but at least, I gain respect from them. It took me quite a long time to even figure out who I am, of course, it was never easy. I even have thoughts of ending my life because I doesn't know how to face everyone. How everyone will look and think about me.

The worst? I have no one to talk to. It was really hard and I doubt anyone will understand how I was feeling at the point of time unless you are from the LGBT community. But at least I am lucky enough to overcome the fear but there are still thousands or even millions of people who doesn't know how to face this and could only result to ending their very own lives..

So please.. We just need the world to accept everyone and we don't need your sympathy. All we need is a little respect and accept us for who we are. I really have to say this again, people from the LGBT community doesn't have a choice to be who they are today but at least we are brave enough to accept ourselves.

Sigh, I don't know who is gonna read this and how they are gonna react about this. Knowing about the real me..

Sign off.

Desmond= It's never that easy..

Hey guys. I guess I am back blogging again. This month is gonna be a real tough month for me. Lots of stuff have been happening but still I am grateful for all my friends out there. By the way, No more Phuket trip. Cancelled due to some reasons which I would rather not talk about it..

Heartbreak is tough for everyone, but it seems extremely tough for me. Never ever had the idea that this will happen to me.. It's hard but what everyone has been telling me, Life still goes on and I got to move on instead of dulling in my own misery..

But the previous KL trip with Fu, Xiao mei and Pei jie was Awesome. We really had lots of fun enjoying or trip over there. And I doubt we will stop here. There is definitely gonna be more trips to other countries and I am really looking forward to that.

Don't you just love the above picture? I love how all the photos were taken. It looks great. And I love them both.

Gao Gao A.K.A Oswald ORD on the 21 of September.. I was pretty much upset. He had always been there for me, we had our very own Virgin trip to Malaysia with just the 2 of us and started travelling to KL, which obviously, I had lots of great time with him. And he is important to me, for one thing, if I never ever met him, I wouldn't have such amazing tattoos from my tattoo artist. He introduce JP to me. And I am really lucky about that.

I kinda feel upset and almost drop a tear or two when I gave him a hug and wish him the best in life. It just feel all weird without him in camp. But we made a promise to travel together every once a year whether I am in Singapore or not. And I think that's good enough.

So this year birthday is gonna be empty.. Quiet as plans for Phuket is cancelled.. Sigh.. I don't know. I am still trying to get over it.. Like what I said, this has cause a huge impact in my life.. I'm like a human without a shadow and like a empty human case walking around and doesn't seems to know what the hell is happening around me.

I hope I will have a blissful birthday with my people. I love them.

But for the good side, I have no more dreams about that person. I have been having dreams about that person, regardless of good or bad. But today, nothing, which is pretty good.

Alright people, please take care of yourself. You guys should notice about the crazily hot and humid weather in Singapore. I thought it's supposed to be the Monsoon season?.. Whatever.

You see, this is the reason why I never thought of staying in Singapore.

Take care peeps.

Sign off.

Desmond= Life is never Easy.

Don't you just wish like one day you wake up from your bed and everything just go according to whatever or how you want it to be? Wouldn't life be much more simple with that? Always thought of it but know that it is never ever gonna happen, so I should drop that bloody idea.

Ain't the quote meaningful and interesting? But nope, it never work this way. It never will, at least for majority. Most human are just been real "Stereo-Types" about certain stuff. They will never understand how you feel. They didn't mean anything to hurt you, but sometimes you just wish to tell your loved one the truth. And the Truth is cruel.

A lot of people out there just can't accept the fact for who you are. Instead, they would very much wish to "Help" you to become the person that they wish that you are. What's the whole point? Even it does make them feel better, but would they even have the slightest consideration of how you feel?

They claim that they are been very acceptance of you, your situation but no they don't. You know how contradicting they sounds. How could someone be accepting you for who you are when they kept having the thought of changing you? Does that sounds like they are being acceptance?

Life is never normal. If life is normal, there wouldn't be people getting raped, murdered, abused, etc for no fucking reason.

If only the above path or signboard really do exists. I will simply bring those people who are not acceptance, doesn't understand you at all through that fucking path and totally change the way they look at you.

Maybe you might think," Desmond, why do you have to bother about whether people been acceptance of you at all? At least there are people out there who love you for who you are!". Very true. But the fact is, those people that I really wish that they can accept it are the people who I really love.

And by telling them all this, I will hurt them. They might even hate me for telling them the truth.

Just one thing, I really wish that people can totally understand that some people are just born this way. They don't have a fucking choice to make.

Get the point right, you stereo-types.

Sign off.

Desmond= Zac Poor= Amazing!

Hey people! Nothing much to update but here is a very VERY nice song by Zac Poor. He is a soon to be Pop singer, which I personally feel that he will make it big. He will be like the next "Lady Gaga" or "Beyonce". Basically, he will be very much famous in the near future.

So just play this song and enjoy his very own unique voice. In fact I totally fell in love with this song the very first time I heard it in an Facebook game called "Nightclub City". And I told me myself, I GONNA Download this very own song! It's just simply amazing.

And the best part? You can actually download this song for FREE~ Isn't that Awesome?!

So this is the song:

VERSE
Red dress
First name basis
One touch
Got you naked, oh
Fall to the floor

Dark eyes
Heavy breathing
Daylight
Caught you leaving, no
You never spoke

PRE
Late night wonder
Undercover love
She's on the run

CHORUS
She'll be breaking hearts
She'll be taking them down
She'll be killing in a cold dark corner of love
That I know nothing about

She'll be breaking hearts
One kiss'll knock you out
You'll awaken with your chest wide open
The pieces laying all around
She'll be breaking hearts, hearts, hearts

VERSE 2
Slow pulse
Cold & lonely
She's hot
To the very core
Lock every door
Her smile
It's infectious
Beware
It's a weapon, don't
Don't bring her home

PRE 2
Cold cold lover
Takes another life
She's out there tonight

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Hide your hearts and cover any signal that you love her
Never say you need her, she will come and she will hunt you down
Hide your hearts guys, hide your hearts guys
Hide your hearts and cover any signal that you love her
Never say you need her, she will come and she will hunt you down
Hide your hearts guys

REPEAT CHORUS

*End Of "She'll be breaking hearts"*

It is such a nice song right? Come on, just admit it.

And another great thing coming up, at least for me. And yes, that's my birthday week. So I'm kinda like spending my birthday this year differently. The trip to Phuket will NOT be cancelled as the tickets are already booked. Hahaha! I am very looking forward to Phuket.

Will be sitting on a PLANE!! Yes, I'm excited about the fact that I will be ON a plane because I've never being in one before. Maybe I did when I was a child. About 6 or so? I can barely even remember a single shit about that.

So yup~ This year. IT's different!! =D

Be happy for me, my fellow people.

Sign off.

Desmond= Friends are always better than everything and anything.

Friends are people who are ALWAYS there, been supportive of what they do. But then, there are those who are also your friends but ain't supportive at all. At their very point of view, all they want is your very own good. And they choose to give you negative advices.. Of course, I don't blame them for all the "advices" that they give.

But there. I have a very good friend of mine. My best friend actually. Regardless of what decision I made, she will always be supportive and agree with whatever I do as long as I don't get myself into any trouble or anything that will endanger my life. And I am very happy that I have a friend like her.

Regardless of what happen, whether I'm happy or upset about anything, she will always be there for me. Which is definitely good and I consider myself very lucky to have such a great friend like her.

And below is that important woman in my life. =)

AND YEAH, That is no other than Miss Lim Pei Jie. =D I am seriously glad to have her in my life and sincerely thank her from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU HOR, MISS LIM. =D

And also, another 3 important women who support me without fail. We have know each other for about 6 years and still, we have this strong bonding together. Even though everyone of us is busy with our very own life, but whenever we meetup, there wouldn't be a single Awkward moment with them. And they too, support whatever decision that I made. I love this three women. Life just feel all different without this three women.

And below are their pictures:

Miss Hui li.

Von Da jie and Ah mei.

Yes, they. And I love them indeed. Kinda miss them and we really gonna meetup soon ok? =)

All I need are friends who are supportive and those who can understand the situation that I am in. Ain't friends made to be that way?

Still, I thank you girls. =)

Sign off.

There are people out there trying all kinds of ways to make you fall, you just gonna learn to stand on stable ground.

Heartbeats by LADY GAGA~

Any Kind-Hearted ready to sponsor me this Amazing Headphone? Black one please! Saw it in HMV!! Cost around $250!! Not too Expensive huh. =X

Birthday is coming~ Ok, maybe not that fast. October 23. =D

Sign off.

Desmond= NS= Sucking my bank= Sucking my Life..

Sigh. National Service is totally "incredible". I didn't realize that my savings from my previous life is getting lesser and lesser over the months.. And I am freaked.. I have also thought that I , wouldn't allow my savings to go below a certain amount, but there, it's reaching that amount real soon..

Having 400 bucks allowance each month is definitely NOT enough support myself. I can imagine myself working now, earning nothing less than 1.2, saving up money for whatever reason but yet enjoying my life with friends and stuff.

I never used to think twice about buying something I really want or need, I would just grab it and go. But not anymore.. I can't get anything that I like or I need.. It is so very hard for me to survive with that fucking 400 bucks..

One thing that I also realize, I never have enough time for myself. I can't spend quality time with my loved ones and my friends. I can't. How can I do that when I spend most of my time in army? Like 5 days a week. Or should I say 6 since I go back to camp every Sunday night? Argh.. This is totally killing me.

I just hope that this, National Service, end as soon as possible. 9 months is a LONG way to go.. SIGH..

Sign off.

Ever though of who to look for when you are upset, feeling troubled and alone?? And really needed someone to be by your side? Always look for this bunch of people call "friends". I mean seriously, having friends is something that human cannot live without. Friends are amazing. They are the people who will be there whenever you need them.

Friends are the people who can accept you regardless what kind of person you are. Seriously, I am pretty sure of this myself because I am a living example. =)

Being friends doesn't mean that you guys gotta meet up every single day, every single week. Friends will be forever when there ain't no awkward feelings at all and still be able to chat happily and do some real catching up.

This is the true meaning of friends.

And I wanna thank all my amazing friends out there. Those amazing people whom I call you guys my brothers and sisters. Thank you for everything.

Thank you Hao Lian Na, Pei Jie, Xiao Mei, Yan fu, Ken, Jeffery, Jimmy, Ah mei, Von Da Jie, Hui li, Stella, Jeryl and all those whom I didn't mentioned and you guys know that we are close friends.

I love all of you out there.

And people, please treasure your very good friends. Friends that are as close to you like your own brothers and sisters. They are the people who will be there for you whenever you need them. And they are the people who are gonna walk down the road with you.

=)

Sign off.

No one understands how I feel.. Don't pretend that you do..

If hurting me is all you wanted, congratulation.

You have succeed...

I never ever choose to have this complicated life that I have..

I NEVER HAVE A CHOICE FOR WHO I AM...

Feeling so lonely, upset.. Stuff like this is definitely not easy for me to handle..

Huina, where are you... I need to talk to you..

Sign off..

This is not what I need...

Not Sarcasm...

Not Criticism...

But,

Blessing..

Sign off.