Mixed feeling. It's called Love. You're willing to do everything for it. Fight for it. But when should you stop? Nobody likes to be the minority in a relationship. Sigh.

I want to be the priority.

God bless. Everything will be OK!!!

Pissed.

Last night...
This is gonna be the last night that I will be here..  The pain of losing you.

I need to be stronger.  For myself..  And everyone else..

I will miss you. Very very much.

Tears..

It's gonna be a rough few weeks or months without you.

Broken heart.

Sign off

First day of breaking up... 

The heartbreak is So damn real..  I can feel the pain,  my eyes are swollen and I cannot even sleep..

Thinking about the past memories that we had.  Leaving this house is gonna be difficult. I have so much stuff here I don't even know where to start.. 

But I need to leave by end of this week. It's all for the better.. 

I'm gonna miss mummy,bibik and the cute little cats..  Will they even realize that I'm not around anymore starting from next week? 

I can't seems to stop myself from crying. Which is really bad.. But I will grow stronger after this.  I hope I will... 

Sign off

Same Shit over and over again.

Desmond= Look at me now..

Look at me now... Why am I doing this to myself?



Simply one word.


Love.


Sign off.

Desmond = Getting Better??

It seems like everything is better now. I think. Trying to be positive as much as I can. Previous post claiming that I was about to give up was true but I had a chance of mind..

I can't just let this relationship go just like that. It just doesn't work this way. Fight for what you want, what you love. And No, I am not going to let this love and effort and wonderful memories that we had down the drain.

I am going to fight for it.


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Work hard for it and everything will be fine.

Don't just give up yet, Desmond.

Sign off.

Desmond = It's Time..

The ache from the heart is tearing me.. I really really does not wish to let go.. But I guess, the longer this drag, the more damage it's gonna do to me.. I can't take it anymore.

I have tried my all to make it work, to make us work. But it seems like I am the only one putting in the effort to do so..

I prayed almost every single day ever since the incident to help me get through this, help me make this relationship works because I want to and I just refuse to give in.

I had been push around.. Badly.. Neither here nor there, it's not about me anyway, it was never about me.. Never expect myself to do so so much for someone.. The minute I heard the news, I was broken, shatter into little little pieces but I refuse to give up, trying to glued back every single of  those pieces and make them whole once again but.. Things doesn't happen the way you wanted it to be.. Never. Ever..

I am broken. I am going insane, but is there anything I can do about it? No. The damage is way too much for me to handle. How could anyone do this to me? Why?? Is it wrong to fight for what you love, what you believe in?

I never once wanted to give up.. Until now.

A tiny part of me is still telling me, "Hold ON, Darling!!! Everything is gonna be ok!!!". That tiny little little voice in my head and the little hope over at the very dark corner of my heart, "Don't let go, Just don't. You will be miserable without this..".

I am at a point where I really really doesn't know what to do anymore.

Can't God just give me a chance, to make us work?

Please God..

Just please...

Help me...


Signing off with a broken heart......

Desmond

Desmond= First day of working my 'dream' job.

Hey, I don't know if anyone is even reading my blog anymore but I will keep this blog as my life experience blog then.

First day of working at 'FunzCentre' was really awesome. Although starting work on a freaking Busy Sunday was not a good idea, but I had to admit I learn a lot for my very first day.

True, it was really really really exhausting, but I really hope I can stay for long in this company.

I was so excited the first day that I couldn't even have a good sleep!(Maybe it was because my body didn't know what to do with my screwed up body clock, that I woke up every 1 hour!!!) It was insane. After a day at work, I'm so freaking tired that I gonna take a cab back home.

And for the beginning of my second day of work, I AM UP EARLY AS WELL. I really don't know why! I need to sleep but I woke up as early as 6ish am when my alarm clock was set at 8.40am! That's like a 2 hours difference!!!

I just hope I wouldn't be as tired as I was yesterday. One of my colleagues actually told me that they first week is gonna be hell but I am god damn sure I WILL and MUST endure and embrace this moment. This is the time which I really wanna do well in something that I like.

I have always wanted to work for something of my passion, which is obviously gaming, and finally my prayers for so many months have been fulfill. Thank God for this awesome, awesome life.

I am truly glad that I'm not slave for life to work just for higher income but hating on my job, but instead for my current job, salary might not be as good but at least I am enjoying it, for now.

Once again, Thank God for every little magic that he help me with. Truly, truly appreciate it.

Be thankful for the little things to happen in life, guys. You might never know the better things in life might just happen soon!

Alright, I gonna get ready for work so see you and wish me luck for my new working life, I NEED THE LUCK! =D

World peace, peeps.

Sign off.

Desmond

Desmond = PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funz Centrez just gave me a call and actually wanna schedule for a interview but the boss was busy and he said he will call me back or email me.

SO PLEASE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. Give me the job!!! Please, God.

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sign off.

Desmond

Desmond = =(

 WHY CANT I SEEMS TO GET THE JOB THAT I WANT?! =(((


Sign off.


Desmond

Desmond= Upset about the result..

The day that I've been waiting for has finally arrive.. And it was bad news. I didn't get my dream job. Kept wondering to myself what the fuck did I do wrongly on the day of the shop trial?.. I thought I did great? That was what the manager told me.

After waiting for 6 days and this is what I get.. Why can't God help me just this once? You know how much I wanted this job... Oh well, Can't really blame God. Maybe I just gonna blame myself for this.

But I really DID tried my very best!!! How could this happen?..


I guess it's time for job hunting again. SIGH.

Sign off,

Desmond

I really wish to GET THE JOB!!!!

For the past 2 days, every since my Job trial for my 'dream job', I have been praying and waking up everyday, checking my phone and emails for a replied saying, 'You GOT THE JOB!!!!'.. I just cant wait for them to tell me that!!!

I guess I just need to be positive and patience, telling myself everyday that I am so gonna get the job. I am NOT gonna quit now man. I mean, seriously!!!!!

OH GOD, PLEASE LET ME GET THE JOB OF MY DREAM!!! Please!!

I don't ask any favor from You often, so I just need a little help here.

I am sorry for this post but I guess I really need to get rid of this anxiety of mine.

LET ME GET THE JOB, DAMN IT!!!!!

Ah, feeling all better now.

Thank you Blogger for creating Blogger. HAhaa.

Sign off,


Desmond

Desmond= It's been more than a year..

Yup, it's been more than a year since I last posted something on my very own page. I guess life has been more meaningful ever since I met my life partner. And it was our 2nd year anniversary on the 28th of August 2013. And I can't thank God enough.

Lots of shit are actually happening in my life and the one that is affecting me the most is my family.. I can't really let the world (if there is even a soul reading this dead blog) know about whatever is going on in my family. But all that I know, I love my mum and she is the most important woman in my life and regardless of whatever happens, I will always be by her side.

But I am glad that most of my friends know about my biggest secret and actually accepted me for who I am. That's all that matters.

I would probably try to update this page more, not forgetting how much of happiness, anger, sadness this blog has been through with me.

Thank you and World Peace people.

Sign off.

Desmond= Believe, Positivity, Thankfulness

I am thankful for my friends, my family and the special one. I am thankful for having enough money and food to survive. I am thankful for everything that I have.

Thank you, Universe. Guide me to the purpose of my Life.

Thank you.

Sign off.

Desmond=Darkest hour...

It is all Unfamiliar and strange... And I kinda hate this feelings.. I can't feel anything inside except the overwhelming negativity consuming me bits by bits..

Save me, anyone?...

Sign off.

I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. I am fucking fat. 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Desmond= Rage

This is the only fucking place where I can actually vent my anger. The only reason in whatever I am doing because I am all grown up now.

In silent doesn't mean anything.

Doesn't mean I am afraid.

Doesn't mean I am a coward.

This just shows that I put in more effort than you do.

Many times, when I feel like throwing a punch or two, but I controlled myself.

There isn't any reason for me to touch you or even respond.

Simply, you are not WORTHY.

Sign off

I am Pissed, just thinking about it. Some people just doesn't get it. Why do you always have to make people feel that you're smart?

They never realised how hurtful their words are. They don't give a SHIT about what you think. They don't give a DAMN about the whole world as their life revolve around themselves.

This is how amazing Life is.

Oh, and of course, I don't need you to tell me how to grow up or when to grow up. I have been through shit.

Your Life is not even WORTHY enough to tell me what to do.

Thanks.

Sign off.